Three weeks later ...

Well, funny how time flies when you're having fun ... Actually, I mean that with no sarcasm.

There have been weird days, sobbing, fearful, angry days, especially about three days after my last post when handfuls of hair fell out all over the place (I looked like a Chinese Crested dog), and then two days after that when I went in and had the tufts shaved. I had no idea how odd I'd feel bald, how conspicuous I'd feel wearing hats 24/7. I had no idea how cold wintery baldness would be (hats or not--but now that I've been bald for a couple of weeks, if it was summer, I think I'd be all over this--bald head and big earrings and sundresses). And I had no idea that when they said "your hair will fall out," in my case it meant everything but eyebrows and eyelashes--even the odd invisible hairs on the top of my feet are gone. I had no idea that the tufts of hair shaved off my head would start growing again right away, but that the hair that fell out would begin to grow much more slowly. I had no idea how this would change the way the world looks, how priorities would change ... I had no idea about my own odd vanities.

On February 9th I sat with my drips for round 2. The first week afterward, I was worried about the toxins bubbling around inside. The second week, less so. But really, I had no idea how "ok" most of this would be. So far, no nausea or other gastro-intestional adventures (many, many drugs...). No shaving my legs. No worries about bad hair days. And in spite of all the warnings, there have been only minimal changes in the way I taste things. I can't taste sweets well (ironic that among the kazillion things on the plate these days, I have to modify and taste-test 20 sweet recipes for work), but I'm enjoying everything else very much. My appetite waxes and wanes, but I had no idea how much I'd like weighing 15-20 lbs less than I did at Christmas. (Yesterday, finally, I broke down and bought a couple of pairs of size "smaller" jeans, the others were always slipping off. I'm approaching "smaller" as a temporary situation, though I'd like to make it permanent. Must work on that plan.)

P has begun traveling again and I've begun cooking. It's so satisfying ... First effort: yellowfin tuna rested overnight in coriander seeds and olive oil, then seared and served with brown rice and a chard/shallot/fennel saute. Tonight he's at the stove again, then he's gone for a week. My mother will be here--our food changes to accommodate, but we'll mix eating in with eating out during her visit. And next week ... back to working out, or maybe the week after, depending on the doctor's visit Friday.

If all goes well, final chemo on March 3. And then really back to food, beyond what's on the plate: it's time to dig into life in Chicago. Snow looms tonight, but spring is just a few weeks away and gardens will again bloom. I have volunteer appts at the Chicago Botanic Garden and Garfield Park Conservatory. We'll see ... Finger crossed.